HR Folks - as if all you didn't know why you are where you!!!!

HR FOLKS

HR folks are not as nasty as you think they are,

Just another different species of humans by far,

It is not true that they are from another planet

Or they hate Starship Earth and those who man it!

They administer psychometric tests with clinical precision,

Leaving one’s fateful soul with its first surgical incision,

At Recruitment, they set the giant wheels rolling

You do not have a clue for whom the bells tolling!

Yes, they are metrosexual guys and charming gals

Pretending that you will be forever best of pals

With winning smiles, fluttering lashes, reassuring stock phrases

Stay far from this bunch or you will get obsessive crazes!

Then proceed to the interview with the man in business

Seems he is the epitome of cool, collected and coziness

For a minute, do not think he can be conned, this carefree fop,

He and HR BP are in cahoots and playing good cop-bad cop!

The entire gang has played you like a string, fast and loose

They are setting up the gallows and tightening the noose

As you sign the dotted line, they are rubbing hands with glee

Welcome, welcome, enter, enter, no exits for you to flee!

The Induction gentry now take up the limelight, centre stage,

With presentations that could drive you to unredeemable rage,

They pump you up, fatten you and prime you for the big race

Till you are ready to murder them with arsenic and old lace!

Then reams of forms to fill in, you are in HR Ops domain,

Leaving you bereft of free will, self-respect will not remain

They keep recording away with keyboard, uncaring mouse,

Makes you want to run to your allegedly unloving spouse!

Then the Communication guy needs details intimate,

He watches and waits and hangs very attractive bait

Ride a tricycle, love kid cartoons, anything excites him

This one is all kiss and tell, attempts at evasion are slim!

They have you photographed, fingerprinted and recorded,

And pass you to Comp and Ben, just another minor statistic

To be benchmarked and tossed around with figures galore

How they confound management is another tale in folklore!

                        Come appraisal time and your life’s an unholy mess

                        Year after year, they pay you less and less and less

                        All reasons are cited – performance, recession, stagflation

                        Sending your collective  emotion in downward deflation!

           

                        Well, if you still find HR folks, strange, detached and bad,

                        They are thick-skinned , sometimes glad, sometimes sad

                        They soldier on, they must carry on, their spirits cannot sag

                        For venting frustration, they are your favourite punching bag!

           

Antonio